Gulliver University’s Football Message Board. (A shorter blog for a change) March 24, 2012

March 24, 2012

Gulliver University’s Football Message Board. (A shorter blog for a change) March 24, 2012

Filed under: November 2009 — Tags: Al Capone, Forrest Gump, General Patton, Gulliver's Travels. Message boards, Kyoto protocol — earthood @ 3:59 pm

Gulliver wearing a red shirt. I feel the pain.

I’m in one of those crazy after all these years, stream of consciousness moods; so here goes, my adventures with Gulliver University, located here at East Brobdingham, near the oranges and candle wicks of my misspent youth. I suppose an author’s literary license warning; a lot of kitchen-sink paraphernalia that I’ll be throwing into this blog. I’ve got my reasons. Life is dull and short. I love good old Gulliver U. even though they’ve been trying for a century to extricate themselves from the wasteland of not being a brand name. Even Al Capone chose not to throw a speak-easy during prohibition into a store front that lined the cobblestone street of the Gulliver main thoroughfare. So Gulliver students remained alcohol free when other colleges were drunk with success on the 1920’s gridiron.

It’s modern day now. Gulliver students and alumni hang out on the football message board and stick their chests out proudly if they’ve achieved 74,000 or 22,000 posts. General George Patton, with the pearl handled revolver, awards special posthumous citations to inane time spent on the board. Good ole George. My parents were upset when he slapped that soldier. I wondered how much time was involved in producing 74,000 posts so I pretended to write a post of several paragraphs which took five minutes. Then I brought out my Texas Instrument calculator from the 1970’s and figured that 74,000 posts took 256.94444444 days to write (24 hours a day) or 513.88 days if he works 12 hours a day and so forth. “Golly,” I said to myself. The dude has spent a year or two of weekdays ripping people apart; some who are so well intentioned and replete with more Gulliver U spirit than most board folks.

Al Capone. He ignored Gulliver University

Then I watched a special video made with Gulliver U. pep band students for a national website, which in an abstract (you have to think to appreciate) way defines what college spirit and pep bands are all about. News of the video was posted on the Gulliver U. football message board and 240 people actually clicked, not the tens of thousands who should’ve watched their Gulliver U. pep band bring pride and esprit de corps to their college. Then an epiphany like a counter clockwise swirling bathtub drain when you stick your finger in the center to see if you can alter the history of mankind. The water manages to avoid the finger until it’s all down the drain. On the same football message board with close proximity to the post on the Gulliver U. pep band, someone posted a story about farting into the phone while talking to a credit card company that morning. The rest is not necessary here but 1600 message board loyalists spent their time responding and reading but NOT taking the 85 seconds to support their college and pep band by simply viewing the video.

General Patton's medal for time served on message board.

I wish these guys were from Gulliver. But knowledge is still good.

The epiphanies and lessons learned from the Gulliver Message Board: it explains why the Kyoto protocol (global greenhouse gas emissions) is still not signed by the world’s countries and why Gulliver U is what it is and do we have to bring Ebenezer Scrooge (Alastair Sim) back from his good old town to tell us more about what the future holds. Damn, I love Gulliver U and oranges, candle wicks and forty day old chocolate chip cookies in a microwave. Where’s Forrest Gump when I need him. Maybe life is not like a box of chocolates but more like a Gulliver U. message board. People used to call me Forrest Gump( I have a picture album called Forrest Gump) because I get myself into unique situations by personally meeting some of the world’s most impressive intellects and interesting people; funny how I have no desire to meet the guy with 74,000 posts.

Dr. Ray Kurzweil and me. Forbes called him a "thinking machine"

Dr Michio Kaku (amazing astro-physicist and futurist) and me. a long long way from the dude with 74,000 posts on the Gulliver U football message board.